Too good to be true

I was prepared for this to happen but I was secretly hoping it wouldn't. My hair is falling out...again! Like losing it once isn't bad enough!

It's been growing for almost 1 month, and yesterday morning I noticed that my pillow was covered in tiny 1/4" hairs. So to see if it was a fluke I did some scientific research- last night I flipped my pillow over. Hi-tech, right. This morning once again it was covered in tiny hairs. No!!! I'll either have to shave my head bald again, or sleep with the sleep caps again to contain the hairs so they don't get embedded in my pillows. I was rubbing my head today (it's itchy) and my hand was covered in hairs. Time to get out the lint brush again! Haha.

My "original" eyebrows are all gone. They started growing back on the inside, kinda toward my nose. Not so much on the outside. I have 3 "original" eyelashes left. They are growing back too and are really itchy and my eyes are always watering. Hey- kinda like when they fell out!

So here's a timeline of hair loss, hair growth, and I guess hair loss again!


10/7/08 (before) :


10/7/08 (after) :


10/11/08 :


10/13/08 :


10/15/08 :


12/28/08 :


1/3/09 :


1/12/09 :


1/21/09 :

Chemo Anemia is the WORST!

Considering how I sailed through chemo, I am completely taken off guard as to my current "state".

I guess the fatigue started around Christmas. I noticed that I wasn't able to do as much as I had been. Maybe it was the holiday stress, family obligations...whatever. I did what I could, when I could, and the fatigue wasn't that bad. I was looking forward to my final chemo since it typically gave me a "boost", as crazy as that seems. That did NOT happen. This awful thing called chemo anemia took over.

Aside from the most sudden, incredible, intense fatigue that I could ever explain, I am in the most unexpected pain as well. It hurts to move, talk, type, walk, stand, sleep...anything. My muscles, joints, bones...everything aches and there's no relief. NONE.

In addition to the fatigue and pain, I'm in this "chemo fog". I can't focus on anything, I feel lightheaded and confused. It's constant and overwhelming, especially since I'm such a control freak! It sucks not knowing when these symptoms will end....a day, a week, a month??? It seems to be getting worse as opposed to better, so I'm starting to reach out to my friends and family for help.

We have made it though the past 5 months since my diagnosis pretty well. I think we were all surprised at how manageable everything was for us. I feel lucky that we made it so far before I fell into this other "realm of fatigue" and am, well, basically useless! The fact that the fatigue basically culminated within a few days is a little scary. The worst part is over, now the healing can truly begin.

I truly am a walking pharmacy

Just wanted to post a list of drugs I received at my last treatment.

1. Aloxi (anti-nausea)
2. Emend (anti-nausea)
3. Decadron (steroid)
4. Tagament (for reflux)
5. Benadryl (anti-histamine)
6. Tylenol (to offset joint pain from Herceptin)
7. Taxol (chemo drug)
8. Herceptin (therapy infusion to fight my cancer protein)
9. Aranesp (red blood cell booster)
10. Neulasta (white blood cell booster)
11. Claritin (offsets Neulasta injection pain)
12. Lexapro (my happy drug)
13. Atavan (my other happy/make me sleepy drug)

BTW- I spent OUT OF POCKET over $700 in drug pharmacy co-pays in 2008. Thank goodness for insurance!!!

LAST CHEMO!!!

It's a day that all patients look forward to. LAST CHEMO! It's filled with good and bad. Good because, well- it's the last one. Bad because you still have to go through the 4.5 hours of treatment, suffer though the mounting side effects and start on the road to getting back to "normal" - whatever that is.

My day started SUPER early. I had an 8:30am appt. with my favorite surgeon Dr. Bob! He is doing my genetic testing for the BRCA breast/ovarian cancer gene. Since I was having chemo right from Dr. Bob's, he just gave me the test (it's a kit in a box that gets mailed to a lab and they charge $3000 to do it) and asked for the nurses to pull the blood from my port at chemo for the test. It will take about 10 days to get the results, and we'll just go from there. Obviously if it's negative there's not much to do. If it's positive, ugh... a long road just got longer. I'll see a genetic counselor and have multiple consults with my docs to determine our next step. So basically we wait and see.

So from Dr. Bob's I fought the Paoli Hospital construction traffic and cruised up the street for Chemo. I was actually EARLY for my appt. today, I am notoriously late, but only by 5 minutes or so. I still had to wait forever and was totally bummed to see that I've gained 11 lbs since November! That's more weight in less time than when I was pregnant!! Yikes! CURSE you Steroids!!!!! The other bummer was to find out that I'm now anemic from the chemo. This is different from TYPICAL anemia, so don't tell me to eat red meat or whatever. It doesn't matter. The chemo drugs attack rapidly growing cells, including my red-blood cells. So until the chemo is out of my system this will continue to happen. I received an injection of Aranesp for my red blood cells which works like Neulasta for white blood cells. The Aranesp injection HURTS LIKE NOTHING ELSE. It burns and I was not prepared at all for it. I was hooting and hollering in pain. And I am pretty good at tolerating pain at this point! I'll continue to have my blood counts checked and get the injections until my levels are back to normal. FYI- my white blood cells have been awesome the entire treatment (thanks to the Neulasta).

First I had my Herceptin infusion which runs pretty short now, about 30-40 minutes. After that I had my 4 hours of Taxol. I swear it multiplies in the IV bag. Every time I'd look at the bag it would still be full. It runs really slow so I do not get organ damage and excess peripheral neuropathy (numbness). I brought No Country For Old Men to watch and ummm....I didn't really get it. The Chemo room was a little rowdy, and I was heavily medicated so maybe that was distracting. I love the Cohen brothers movies, but this one...hmmmm....I might try to watch it again, considering it got 94 Rotten Tomatoes, and that's about as good as it gets! And an Oscar ain't that bad either...

After I was done chemo I decided to "ring the bell"...just a little bit. It's a tradition for cancer patients after their last treatment. Since I still have 15 more Herceptin infusions, I feel like I'm not really done with treatment...just done with the hard part. It was exciting, but not really what I thought it would be like. No jumping up and down, or popping champagne like when the Phillies won the World Series. It's a personal accomplishment, others can feel happy for me but it's really my journey. It will be more exciting in November when I'm done the herceptin!

On the way home I swung by KOP Mall to continue the search for pants...thank you Old Navy. I found 3 pair of "athletic" pants and I will rock them until I can lose a few lbs. and get back into my 10 pairs of Lucky Jeans just sitting in my closet. I got a little carried away when I got skinny (aka back to normal) over the spring....

So the day started for me when I left the house at 7:30am, I got home at 4:30pm. Yeesh! I am glad to be over these marathon chemo sessions!! Mike and Lilly had fun together today. They re-registered for Lilly's Preschool next year. Mike had to enjoy that...he was making fun of all the "showy" moms...the moms I don't talk to at drop off...the ones that don't open the door for me even though some days I hardly have the energy to walk up the pathway to the school building. Mike's comment..."I'm glad I married you." awww...how sweet. I might be a total people watcher, but I really try to be nice to everyone. Wish other people had that same mentality.

When I got home the side effects from the Herceptin and Aranesp started to kick in. Herceptin- achy joints, heavy limbs- like when you have the flu. I felt like a mummy wrapped up all tight and unable to move. It was really, really bad the last time, but today it was pretty minimal, maybe for like an hour. (Thanks goodness, if the severe side effects continued, my Dr. was considering putting me on the "old Herceptin" schedule which is basically a smaller dosage EVERY WEEK FOR A YEAR!!! Opposed to what I get now- a large dose every 3 weeks for 1 year) The Aranesp - swollen hands/feet and a tiny headache.

I was utterly exhausted tonight and decided to take "a nap" for 45 minutes after dinner. That was at 6:45pm. Mike TRIED, probably twice to wake me up but I was so tired, I slept until 11pm...and that's why I'm up now blogging at 1am!!! Now I'll have to stay up a little bit more so I can fall back asleep! Oh well, I feel pretty good so I can't complain that much! My docs said it will be about 4 weeks (if the anemia goes away quickly) before I start to feel "like me". My hair is still growing/falling out, and it's just generally itchy.

So that was my big day! NO MORE CHEMO!!!

Hair Growth Update (updated)

It's still growing!!! My eyelashes/eyebrows continue to fall out and grow at the same time. Last chemo is Monday (1/5) so I'm anxious to see if it effects the growth...

1/12/09:



1/2/09:


12/28/08:

Hair??? HAIR!!!

It's true- my hair is growing back!!! It's still falling out, but at the same time it's growing! How is this possible? My eyebrows are almost gone, but today I saw teeny tiny hairs growing in too! You have to look really close, but you can see the fine white "peach fuzz" growing in, plus the few hairs that never fell out in the first place. :)



I still have my final chemo treatment of Taxol (on 1/5/09) so I'm curious to ask my Oncologist if it is common for hair to grow back during chemo. I have been the opposite of typical this entire time, so I will not be surprised to if he told me that only 1% of patients experience this.

How come no one told me how puffy and fat I look!

I know that the steroids have taken a toll on my slender figure, but COME ON! I saw the pictures from the classymommy.com party and I didn't even recognize myself! Here's me and Colleen. At least my wig looks good, thanks to my LittleLesiw Bloom hair clip!



So here's some "before and afters":

10/19/08


12/22/08


12/10/08


12/22/08

21 Days

I was thinking the other day that I only tend to post the "highlights" of my day, week...whatever. So I'm going to attempt to journal my daily side effects, energy level, appetite and all the wonderful delights that come along with breast cancer and chemo treatment. So for 21 days I'll update this post so I can remember just how much this SUCKS! You know- since I have total "chemo-brain" and can't remember who's supposed to be watching my kid while I go to chemo for 6 hours. But that's another story.

This will be a little a-typical, since my chemo treatments had been every 14 days, but since we're starting the Herceptin alongside the Taxol, my final chemo treatment was pushed back to 21 days.

Day 1- 12/15- Chemo #7 Day. First I received my mix of Emend and Decadron, plus Tylenol, Benadryl and Tagament. Herceptin for 1.5 hours and Taxol for 4 hours. I am drowsy and my legs feel a little fatigued...change that...they feel like sandbags and Mike has to help me walk from the basement door to the bathroom. It's better today, just a 1 day side effect. I ate WAYY too many cookies, munchkins and pretzels at chemo...could be the reason I've gained 7 pounds since starting treatment. I talked with my NP about my Tamoxifen treatment that will start 6 weeks after my last chemo and what to do about birth control. At this point it will either be a total hysterectomy if I'm positive for BRCA, or tubal ligation if I'm negative. Either way my ovaries are useless. My fingers and toes remain numb and I still have a little infection on my right big toe, but that's not chemo related. I woke up with a migraine today and it's lingering just a little bit. Other than that, just tired from a long day...

Day 2- 12/16 - Insomnia. Even taking Ativan before bed at 11pm I only slept until 4:45am. 6 hours. I was a hot sweaty mess all night. Hot flashes should not happen to 30 years olds! The hot flashes are pretty consistent, but are worse the 4 days from chemo because I take steroids those days. Otherwise I felt really good all day, I was able to make and prep a TON of aprons which is a good thing since they are literally flying off the shelves! The snow/sleet/rain did not deter me from getting to my Oncologist to receive my Neulasta injection, and Lilly enjoyed the cookies from the "buffet spread". I fell asleep on the sofa around 8pm and just woke up. Back to bed in a little bit...

Day 3- 12/17- Insomnia...not so bad. I was up at 5:50am, but I didn't go to bed until 1am. My face looks like I have sunburn...thanks steroids.
My eyebrows fell out quite a bit yesterday. Let's see what the rest of the day brings...well, today brought lots of Diaper Bag Wrangler Apron orders, and an awesome party at my friend Colleen's who runs classymommy.com. I was going on adrenaline most the day, fell asleep around 12pm...it was a good...no a GREAT day!

Day 4- 12/18 - Insomnia...getting better. I woke up at 5:55am. I'm getting that "ick/metal" taste in my mouth and upper chest area...not quite reflux, it's some random chemo side effect. I take Nexium for a few days and it's all better. Today's the last day for the steroids for this round, so I'll be less red, crazy, restless by Friday...but that's when I start to crash...my legs are already feeling heavy and my fingers and toes are getting a little more numb/tingly. That comes and goes as far as severity, but I'm mostly numb all the time. I finally made my appts. for the Radiation Oncology Consult (1/8) and my Genetic Testing (1/5 ...before my last chemo!).

Day 5- 12/19- Insomnia...moving in reverse...woke up at 5am...but I did go to bed a little on the early side last night. I have a big day ahead before I hit my 6pm-ish "crash zone/point of no return/sofa zombie stage". Caesar goes to the vet for his annual checkup...poor guy is old, so I'm kind of dreading it. Mike's office Holiday Party is this afternoon, so I'll took Lilly over to see Mike and Santa and get cookies and stuff.

My face is still red as a lobster, hot flashes abound, legs getting achy and tired, "ick/metal" mouth still there...and the most uncomfortable part of my chemo week kicks in...constipation, gas and diarrhea. I'll leave it at that. Screw you chemo....I guess it could be worse....and I'm just being honest.

Day 6- 12/20 - Last night I crashed. Mike had to wake me up and pry me off the sofa around 12:30am. This morning I actually felt ok, not super exhausted yet, but that will come soon. My stomach is all crampy and uncomfortable. Thank goodness for sweatpants! The wrath of chemo is upon me, took a quick nap on the sofa instead of the typical 2 hour power nap. Strange... I think it's been 4 or 5 trips to the bathroom so far, and it's ohhh- 4pm. I have a sore throat and my big toe is still sore from like 2 weeks ago. It's an exhausting day, physically, mentally, emotionally....but I'll only have to go through 1 more day like today. EVER!

Day 7- 12/21- I actually slept until 9AM! I couldn't believe it. Now- I was up at 4am in the bathroom, but I was able to fall back asleep. I'm feeling a little bit more like myself, except this toe issue is becoming problematic. I'm not sure what is going on, but I have an "infection" or something on the side by my toenail. My Dr. checked it out and it's not chemo related, but it HURTS like nothing else. I soaked it today and am just trying to ease off the foot so it can heal. We got some ice/rain/sleet overnight so it's going to be a long day inside....

Day 8- 12/22- Sleep is such a wonderful thing. Mike had to wake me up at 7am today and I actually had a hard time opening my eyes! This morning I still had some residual weekend stomach issues, but by 11am I felt like I could leave the house without having to rush to a bathroom. Lovely, isn't it? I feel pretty good, as long as I don't overdo anything, I'm good to go.

Day 9- 12/23- Pretty much a normal day so far. The Neulasta kicked in last night, so I have mild knee/joint pain and arm/leg fatigue. I did have a hard time opening the door at Lilly's preschool...thanks everyone for just starting at me while I struggled.... Anyway, it only lasts about a day and then subsides while my white blood cells start to do their thing! The toe seems to be improving, I can actually walk on it with no pain, so that's good! I did take Renee's advice and I ordered some lavender oil cuticle treatment, along with a lavender balm and a peppermint oil from Relive . Hope it gives some relief! I'll need all that stuff too with the Herceptin IV, one of the side effects is weak nails/infection/splitting etc. The goal is to NOT lose any nails during treatment. Ewww...grosses me out just thinking of it. Sometime around 4pm today I hit a wall...a sinus wall...so here's to another round of sinus infections!

Day 10- 12/24 - Man, I just can't seem to shake this cold/sinus stuff! It's been on and off since September!!! I had a bloody nose for over 2 weeks, it finally went away and now this sinus stuff is back! Auggh! Other than that, I feel pretty good. I whacked my knee on Lilly's dresser so that is black and blue, but no other issues. The peripheral neuropathy is increasing, but hopefully it will decrease by next week. Tingly fingers and toes is no fun. Mom-mom and G-Daddy are on their way and Mike is off until Tuesday. Hopefully I can rest up and kick this cold!

Day 11- 12/25- Merry Christmas! What a fun day, aside from the hacking coughs (me and Lilly) and endless snot and sinus pain (me)! I must have been a good girl because Santa Mike gave me a new computerized sewing machine!!! The sinus stuff has me feeling pretty tired. There's not a lot of medicines that I can take so I'm basically trying to ride it out. We had a relaxing day of eating (a lot) and playing The Price is Right on the Wii. I noticed something very odd today. I think my hair is growing! Funny because my eyebrows and eyelashes are still falling out. I noticed my head had a LOT of soft stubble and sure enough, it's got some baby fine white "peach fuzz". I never lost 100% of the hair on my head, there was always a few stubbly spots here and there. So I started checking other places, and I had the same peach fuzz on my armpits! Amazing...I'm still getting chemo, and the Taxol is supposed to cause complete hair loss, but there's new hair growth...hmmm...sounds like a mystery.

Day 12- 12/26 - I had every intention of sleeping in, but I was wide awake and on the verge of a mucus suffocation attack at 5:30am. So I took a hot steamy shower to clear my head out, and later went to Target to get more Tylenol for my head pressure. My hands are feeling a bit clumsy, and I was more tired from my cold than the chemo. No nap today, the day just flew by and I had to get ready for my cousin's wedding!!! Lilly was dropped off at Grandmom's for a "sleepover party" and the whole rest of us piled in the cars and drove to the church for the wedding ceremony and then to the William Penn Inn for the reception. Mike and I had our reception there 6 years ago! It's gorgeous, especially at the holidays. I got all "dressied" up- wig, boobs, drawn-on eyebrows, makeup, dress, heels- the whole she-bang!
I was pretty tired and felt like I was in a fog the whole night. We left around 11pm and I was just exhausted. No dancing or open bar for me this time!!!

Day 13- 12/27 - We had some grand scheme to take Lilly to the Adventure Aquarium today. I'm not sure who was more exhausted, me, Mike or Lilly. Needless to say, it was a mistake going...so sometime in the future we'll try going again when temper tantrums are not in full flare-up. I fell asleep in the car (Lilly did too) and aside from the debacle, my toe is still infected...probably going to see the Dr. about it om Monday/Tuesday.

Day 14- 12/28 - I think the whole Holiday week and weekend got to me. I took a HUGE nap in the morning. I could hardly keep my eyes open, and a few hours later I woke up on the sofa! I still have a cough, cold, sinus stuff, infected toe. It just takes a lot longer to heal when your immune system is blasted with chemo drugs every 2 weeks! The hair is still growing, it's nice and soft- I feel like a newborn baby!!! Mike and I took advantage of mom-mom and g-daddy still being here and snuck out for dinner at Mama Velia's by ourselves. It was nice to get out, but my food wasn't so good. At least I had a delicious cannoli for dessert!

Day 15- 12/29 - Mom-mom and G-Daddy headed home to FL today. Mike had off work and although we planned to have a highly productive day, we all basically loafed around the house. My lavender oil came today so I tried it out on my sore toe...we'll see how it goes....

Day 16- 12/30 - Sleeeppppy... it's amazing how one day I am full of energy, the next I can hardly keep my eyes open. This morning, we had a back-to-back viewing of Finding Nemo. I fell asleep on the sofa during the 2nd viewing. I noticed that my eyebrows and eyelashes are starting to grow in. They are itchy as anything....we'll see if they stay or decide to jump ship again after chemo next week. I fell asleep again on the sofa after dinnertime. Sleep is sooo good, and we have the most comfy sofa...it sucks you in and you can't resist the temptation of a quickie nap.

Day 17- 12/31 - So my hair is about 1/2" long and brown. It kinda looks like a man's 5 o'clock shadow. So even though it's super short, you can see that there's definitely something there! It's really soft too, unlike a buzz cut that's prickly. My friend Danielle that is also a survivor told me today that my hair coming in now is just a tease. We'll see... Oh- my toe is almost 100% better. That lavender oil is a miracle potion!!!

Day 18- 1/1 - I'm a little fatigued today. I actually stayed up last night to "ring in the new year", even though I think New Year's is a bogus holiday. Mike loves it - he jumps up and down, gets all excited. I usually sleep. Anyway, I was really tired and took a (really) long nap this morning. Once again, we loafed around...watched the Mummers Parade


and then USC/PSU Rose Bowl Game. My cold is finally improving, I pretty much just have a sore throat right now. I did have an upset stomach today, so that might have led to some of my fatigue. The hair is still growing. I'm not going to be heartbroken if it stops or falls out after chemo on Monday. It's just so bizarre! My skin is breaking out like nobody's business. Hopefully after I'm off the steroids next week I'll start getting "back to normal". I've gained 12 lbs. since starting treatment, so I have some work to do after chemo ends! Finally- after having Lilly, I felt so good about my body last summer...there's no way I'm giving up my "skinny clothes" now!

Day 19- 1/2 - I had a lot of running around to do today. Blood work, post office, Target. It wiped me out, and I was hoping for a good nap out of Lilly so I could rest too. Instead she busted her mouth open and was gushing blood while protesting taking her nap and jumping in her crib. So, no nap today. No emergency room either. That kid is a trooper, she stopped crying as soon as I got her and even though her towel was covered in blood she didn't seem to care and just wanted to go downstairs to watch her new Dora DVD. I took my "prime-time" nap (usually from 7:30-9pm) and then went to bed around 11:30pm.

Day 20- 1/3 - I was feeling pretty good today, and since I got a little extra rest last night, I decided to go with Mike and Lilly to her little kickers soccer. Usually it's just "daddy and Lilly time" but we had high hopes for a "special surprise" after soccer, so I tagged along. After soccer, we drove to Oaks, to check out the new Expo Center and the Train Show that was being held this weekend. Well....the traffic on the highway was at a standstill about 2 miles out from the exit. It literally took us 1 HOUR to drive 3 miles. We thought there was an accident (this stretch or road is prone for accidents since there's 2 notorious police traps). Nope- it was ALL traffic for the Expo center. Not only on the highway in our direction, but the other way, and all the connecting roads. It was unbelievable- cars from PA, NJ, DE, MD. Anyway, once we got there, and discovered there were no parking spaces, and a line out the door to get in, we decided to bail and just come home. Since we never told Lilly what the "special surprise" was, we got Philly Pretzels on the way home and she was just as happy.

Day 21- 1/4 - I am kind of feeling like today is my "last day of freedom" before chemo. Although I have minimal side effects, I'm getting more and more tired. I want to accomplish a lot today! We went to a New years' Brunch at my friend Danielle's house which was awesome, good food, good friends...I actually tried grits (just a taste) and some egg souffle (a taste too). I'm not an adventurous food person by any means, but I'm usually willing to try new things. I might vomit in my mouth, but at least it's effort!!! After brunch I went on an (unsuccessful) mission for pants. This weigh gain is driving me nuts. I refuse to buy pants with a number, only S/M/L when I'm well, basically not wearing my normal size 4 or 6. I couldn't find anything...at all! We had pizza leftovers for diner and relaxed a little bit.

It's all about the Beau

My best "guy friend" is the most awesome Beau Grabner, a.k.a. El Tiegro or Beau Diamond. We have been friends since I was oh- 16 and he was 18. We met through a co-worker of mine - at the movie theater that Jon Heaton inadvertently got me fired from (thanks Jon)! Anyway, over the past 15 years we have had some really fun times. Although we were never really in the same town at the same time, it's one of those friendships that feels like whenever we talk no time has passed.

Beau took me to Disneyland and to the Tonight's Show with Jay Leno when I was in college and was at my wedding in Las Vegas. We were both born on the 5th (he in January, and me in April) so I ALWAYS remember his birthday, although I can hardly remember my own daughters!

Today- 2 things "Beau" popped up. (besides IM-ing on Facebook!)

1. I realized that the day of MY LAST CHEMO TREATMENT is January 5- which is also Beau's birthday.

2. I have developed "Beau's Lines" on my fingernails. They are white lines that are a side effect from the chemo. I have them on every fingernail and it's so creepy.



So- here's to Beau!!!

Eyelashes...or lack of...

Just wanted to add a visual aid so when I tell you that my eyelashes are almost gone you know what I mean. My eyebrows are just barely hanging in there. As long as I don't touch them they stay in, but are thinning every day. My eyes are watering non-stop so each time I rub them dry the lashes fall out. Annoying.

Finally - Good News!!!

Today was chemo #6! I met with my Oncologist and asked him what the game plan was after chemo? How do we know that all the cancer is gone? Do I need another CT or MRI? What about Radiation? My Oncologist is one of those "one step at a time, focus on the current treatment" kinda guy. So here's the bottom line...Ask Dr. Bob. Ha!!! Luckily I have my 3 month post-surgical appointment (HOLY COW- it's been 3 MONTHS!) with Dr. Bob on Thursday.

Dr. Bob -what's up with the new picture??? It doesn't even look like you!!!


Anyway, as far as my Oncology treatment goes I got GREAT NEWS today!!! Not only do I only have 2 more doses of the Taxol (chemo) left, but I am going to start my Herceptin (not chemo) next treatment!!! Yea! That will be 2 less single Herceptin treatments, and I'll wrap up about 1.5 months early (it goes for 12 months, every 3 weeks). We were actually going to start the Herceptin today, but doing so would push my treatment schedule back to every 3 weeks, making my next dose the week of Christmas. Uhh- that won't work- mom-mom and g-daddy are flying up for Christmas and my cousin Natalie's wedding is on the 26th. I want to feel the best that I possibly can, which is probably not going to be super great anyway, so we axed that plan for today!

So my next treatment (12/15) I'll get the Taxol (4+ hours) and the Herceptin (1.5 hours)...wow I'm looking at a 6 hour appointment! That's a lot of movies/sleeping/eating. (Have I mentioned that I've gained 6 pounds since chemo started!) I asked if I could bring in my sewing machine. I could get a lot done in 6 hours! Heck- I get a lot done in 2 hours! The first dose of Herceptin takes longer than the other ones, it will only take 3o minutes for doses 2-17. That is great because I'll probably be able to go when Lilly's in pre-school and relieve Uncle Andy of his "Lilly-watching duties".


The other good news (which will be confirmed by Dr. Bob) is that I won't need radiation. I basically don't fit the traditional radiation criteria of needing 3+ positive nodes (only found 1) and a large tumor of over 2 cm (mine was less than 2cm). So unless Dr. Bob feels otherwise, NO RADIATION! I still might have to get the "final approval" from the Radiation Oncologist...but things are looking good!

Treatment today went really well, aside from the IV going on F O R E V E R, and the food buffet being weak...until a patient brought in chocolate chip cookies, to which I helped myself to 3 (have I mentioned that I've gained 6 pounds??). I packed a big lunch, watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall, and then tried to do some Sudoku. I got home around 3pm and Uncle Andy told me that they watched 3 movies today (Cars- of course, Alvin and the Chipmunks and Finding Nemo). No nap for Lilly, so she'll be a little off tomorrow... luckily school is back in session and her teacher can deal with her for 2.5 hours!

The insomnia will be back this week while I'm on the crazy drug cocktail, but I rather be wide awake than puking. I still can't get over how well I've tolerated everything. I was saying to my new friend at chemo Emme, I just push through, do what I have to do, and crash on the weekend when Mike's here.

One more thing- you MUST read Mike's blog post about the movie Lambada (NOT La Bamba). You might pee your pants, especially if you've actually seen this movie. Can you say- Netflix???

p.s. Lilly's croup never got "awful-bad", she slept well every night, took her normal naps and the coughing is sporadic now. Thank goodness!!!

No! The thrush is back!

I woke up today with that super icky taste in my mouth...looked in the mirror and yup- the thrush is back. Looks like I'll be stopping by the doctor and pharmacy again today! It never ends...

Here's something to think about... how many people shop at Target? It's possibly my favorite store and close by, so that's where I get my Rx filled (plus for every 10 Rx filled we get a 10% off Target coupon, so for me that's practically a coupon every month!). Today I had to get the Diflucan for the thrush and pick up another script. When I got to the Pharmacy counter the Pharmacist said hi and walked over to get my bag without even asking my name. Am I here that much!?? At the TARGET Pharmacy! I really want to think that I'm just there a lot and it's not that I stick out because I'm 30, bald, boobless and usually have a toddler in tow. Anyway, my Target Pharmacy Team rocks.

You know who else rocks- my friend Danielle. I called her in a daze today because I was feeling horrible. The bone pain set in and the thrush, fatigue etc. was just too much to bear today. Lilly was ULTRA un-cooperative and did not take a nap...instead she decided to poop 3 - yes THREE - times instead of sleep. I was exhausted and just needed to get a little rest myself to make it through the day. Mike had a dinner meeting with a vendor and he was not going to be home until late, so I was solo with a C R a Z y kid. Danielle let me come over, she watched Lilly and let me sleep for 1 1/2 hours. We had dinner, the kids played and it was great. Thank you!


Other stuff:
Mike took Lilly to the Playhouse Disney show down in Philly on Saturday. I would have gone but I was exhausted (leg fatigue mostly), so grandmom went in my place. You can read about it on Mike's Blog here: They had a great time and Lilly came home with a light up "magic wand" which apparently cost $20. Anyway, Saturday was a total waste for me. Sunday I felt a little more energetic but crashed by the end of the day.

I did work on a new design for my Baby Booties over the weekend. It's kinda a surprise since the first pair I made are for my preggy friend Caitlin, who's expecting a girl in April. I'll be working on them on and off when my hands don't hurt too much and get them added to the collection hopefully by the end of the year.

INSOMNIA!!!!

Oh how I wish that I could sleep past 5am.

Last night I did get a pretty good night's sleep, I fell asleep on the sofa around 8:30pm, and missed watching The Office- despite Mike's best efforts to wake me up. I eventually woke up around 10:30pm and dragged myself to bed.

I thought I'd sleep until at least 7am...nope...4:30am came around and I was wide awake. So I did what I've been doing for the past 4 weeks- sewing bright and early...uninterrupted.

It's a good thing because my fingers are starting to hurt and go numb from the chemo, so I don't know how much longer I'll be able to go at this pace.

Curse you chemo!!!!

Half Face Hot Flash?

This was a little strange...I had a hot flash on half of my face. I looked in the mirror and my right side was BRIGHT red, while the left was the normal rosy red...


Red:



Not so red:


Strange?


I also want to give props on the rasta hat made by Renee that I was sporting today. It matched my t-shirt perfectly! Plus is was like 34 degrees today...brrr!

Chemo #5 Quick Update

The new Taxol cocktail started today. I was a little nervous since I knew how I was on the A/C, so starting a new drug meant new side effects, etc. The infusion ran about 4 1/2 hours today so I was really ready to get out of there! My brother came with me, but went home for a few hours and then came back. It was packed full of patients all day, so there wasn't a lot of space...plus it's entirely boring. I brought my DVD and watched The Departed, which is a typical Scorsese epic of 2 1/2 hours.

I had no allergic reaction to the drug so they were able to push it at "full speed". I was pretty sleepy during the IV from all the pre-meds they gave me today- Emend (anti-nausea), Aloxi (anti-nausea), Decadron (steroid), Tagament (acid reflux), Benadryl (antihistamine) and then the chemo drug Taxol.

Lots of goodies today - Jewish Apple Cake (quite possibly my favorite cake), candy, pretzels, cupcakes (someone got to the red velvet one before me). Ernie who brings the cupcakes is going to Florida for the winter so I will have to wait until he comes back in May for more cupcakes...or just drive to Malvern and buy some.

Minor politicking this morning, the 3 week-er Republicans were there...and my, my have they changed their tune....apparently Obama isn't that bad all of a sudden, but he's still a Socialist and had the Republicans gone with Mitt Romney, he'd be the President-Elect. I was DYING to bring up my dad's point that SOCIAL SECURITY AND MEDICARE are "socialist" programs but I bit my tongue. There's no way I was getting into that debate again. I had alrady gotten into it on Sunday with Danielle's Father and Father-in-law at Mia's birthday party. But they were fun debaters...Our debate ended when Matthew (3 years old) spilled a huge SOLO party cup filled with coke on the table, which ran like a river onto me, my jeans, socks, shoes, the chair and carpet. Mike had to drive home and get me a change of clothes.

Made a few new cancer patient friends...another young mom was getting her first treatment today so we talked a little bit. We'll be seeing each other on Mondays... I also made some hats for one of my dad's students in Florida who is going through treatment.

So that's it for now. I took THE BEST nap when I got home. I was in the really good deep sleep and heard NOTHING for like 2 hours. My fingers are starting to get that peripheral neuropathy. Right now they are sore and feel like sausages. The sausage part started today. Good thing I have all (well, most) of my DBW sewing done. Sewing is going to get a little harder while my fingers slowly lose feeling and stuff like that. My legs are feeling heavy so walking can get tiring. Fun times.

Oh- Don't forget the etsy supercrazy sale! Every item listed is on sale in the etsy shop. And while that is going on, you can use coupon voucher SUPERCRAZY and save 15% off purchases at www.diaperbagwrangler.com. Feel free to tell your friends, we all love a bargain!!!

p.s. I'm still a little drug induced..can't wait to re-read this post in the morning.

Juror Summons

Great News! I have been excused from Jury Duty! I guess it was helpful that my Oncologist wrote a letter to the court recommending that I not serve. Too bad, Lilly would have had fun in "Courthouse Day Care" (joke).

So what else is new? I pretty much slept all weekend. I started feeling nauseous and fatigued on Friday. I broke down a little bit over the weekend too. I feel so fortunate that my treatment has been going as well as it has. It's just starting to get really hard and I see how much I deteriorate from week to week. I know that the next 4 treatments are going to get tougher and tougher. It's very hard mentally for me to process everything and the fact that there's nothing I can do about it is even harder. So for now I'm just hanging in there, waiting for all of this to be over with.

Other than my mini-meltdown, we (the 3 of us plus mom-mom and g-daddy) went to Texas Roadhouse for dinner Friday night which I really enjoy on my "chemo weeks". I always get the Chicken Critter Salad and even with the worst chemo-mouth taste, it's YUMMY! We had a full house on Sunday when my brother, sister in law and aunt all came over to hang out.

Today I am feeling much better. There's some joint pain going on on my knees and shoulder. That is a side effect from the Neulasta, and luckily only lasts a day or so. It better- I have a busy week of sewing and prepping for my big craft show this weekend!

Chemo #4

WE'VE REACHED THE 1/2 WAY MARK!

I am done with the Adriamycin and Cytoxin cocktail. Next up is 4 cycles of Taxol. The Taxol is a 4 hour infusion administered every 2 weeks. UGGH! FOUR HOURS!!!!

With the Taxol, there are new potential side effects such a periphial neuropathy , which is tingling or loss of sensation in fingers, hands, feet and toes. Also- fatigue and "leg heaviness", minor nausea (which I've had none so I don't expect it with this). The biggest concern is when the drug is initially introduced. A small percentage of patients have a major allergic reaction, not to the drug, but to the preservatives used in the drug. It basically happens immediately so my doctors and nurses will be standing over me monitoring the IV push. The reaction can range from a flush/burning feeling, hives, itching and immediate nausea. Hopefully none of that will happen, but they asked for someone to come with me to chemo in case they have to medicate me more to treat the side effects. If that happens I won't be able to drive home. So I think Mike is taking off work, and between him and my brother someone will watch Lilly and someone will watch me. :)

Other than that, I am feeling pretty good. I fell asleep at 7:30pm last night and woke up around 5am. I decided to watch tv in bed and try not to disturb Mike. I got out and voted this morning and luckily only had to wait about 5 minutes. I am SO RELIEVED for the political solicitors to STOP CALLING!!! It's awful, especially since I am registered independent...they all wanted me. Hey- one just called...AHHH- TOO LATE MCCAIN!

Mom-Mom and G-Daddy are flying in Thursday to help out and spend some time here. I can't wait! I'll be sleeping all weekend, but Lilly will have a blast.

The port needle

Finally- I brought my camera to chemo so I can have PHOTOGRAPHIC evidence of how freakin' HUGE the port needle is. I refer to it as the claw. My chemo nurses (Chris is holding the needle which still has the plastic sheath on and Trish is smocking up) thought it was funny that no one believed how big the needle is. So HERE!





You can also see my protruding port. Now would be one of those times I wish that I wasn't so petite. So when I get my chemo my nurse sprays the skin with a freeze spray to numb me before the massive, horrid claw needle is shoved in. Then they pump the iv to get a blood return (to make sure the port catheter is still connected in my vein... I am always concerned that I'll become unplugged even though it's pretty much impossible) and flush me with saline before the anti-nausea meds and chemo drugs are pushed.

So chemo # 3 today was good. Nice and quiet, Ernie (another patient) brought in those scrumptious gourmet cupcakes (red velvet). Yum! I watched Season 1, Disc 1 of Arrested Development (the best TV show ever). I got out in a little over 2 hours, and picked up Sonic on the way home for me, Lilly and Uncle Andy. Back tomorrow for the Neulasta!

On the side- thank you (whoever) for prescription insurance. Right now I have about 10 prescriptions (not including what I get at my Dr's office). One of them is Emend...my co-pay for that drug is $25 and the retail price is $398...for 4 pills! The Neulasta is $1000 per injection.

Rockin' the headwear

I know, I know...you want to see what these hats look like that I've been sewing up over the past week! Here's a little photo gallery of what I'm wearing on my head these days...

So first- here's me with OFFICIALLY no hair. I shaved it bald this morning with my "ladies" electric razor and it was such a relief! It basically acted as a vacuum for what was left, there wasn't much actual shaving needed. Last night I sat on the sofa and was just pulling off the "hurricane" hairs that were left on top of my head. I just wanted it all gone!



The traditional bandanna- I bought a 6 pack, plus 2 floral ones at AC Moore. Awesome because they don't cover my big ears. Lousy because I look like a roadie at a Bon Jovi concert. At least they come in pretty colors like turquoise! *Big score today- I went to 5 Below and got 5 new bandannas for $1 each... and they are so cool... very mod designs... no western roadie paisleys!



My Chemo-Chic Cap. I sewed these and about 10 other ones (so far), all out of awesome designer fabric and made to match my wardrobe. It's inspired by a scrub hat I found from a fellow crafter (I can't take the credit). I made adjustments for my fit, drew out a pattern and hi-tailed it to the fabric store (and yes, I have used some of my DBW fabric stash, so now you can have a chemo cap and matching changing pad or diaper and wipes organizer). It ties in a little bow in the back.



Sleep Caps- AWESOME little knit caps, just like what newborn babies wear. They are like a t-shirt for your head. I bought these from a breast cancer survivor Diane and you can see her shop HERE or visit www.positiveattitude.etsy.com . I highly recommend these and if you know someone going through chemo buy them one...they will love it!

This is gross - updated

If you get skeeved easy, don't read the paragraph below and pretend I'm blowing you a fishy-kiss in the picture.


I thought I could avoid those awful mouth sores my doctor warned me about. I brush my teeth 2 or 3 times a day, I have been using an alcohol free mouthrinse 3 times a day (I'll admit...I slacked on that a little last week, but not a lot), drink lots of water, keep my mouth moist, etc. But those little blisters decided to join the party yesterday. So far they're only on one side, but they are icky. They feel like dead skin just sitting on your mouth/lips. They're a whitish grey and a little puffy. It's weird...so here's a picture! Update (Tuesday) I called my doctor today about my mouth. I feel like a neurotic patient always calling with concerns, but that's just how it is! They were a little concerned and wanted to see me right away so I drove down this afternoon and they looked in my mouth and said yep- it's thrush. (Thrush is like a fungal infection in your mouth, gross right?) I got a Rx for 8 days of antiboitics to kill it. Stupid chemo!!!!




Other than that I had a slightly crummy weekend. I was sleepy a lot, so I would take naps here and there. My Neulasta kicks in today/tomorrow so that will help get me back on track. My head looks so funny... there's just a spot of hair on the top, and one down by my neck.