It's a tad nippy here....

FINALLY. I am 100% finished my breast reconstruction surgery.

It all started in January when I had my tissue expander implantation surgery. Then I had saline injections to stretch my skin over the course of 3 months. In April I had the implant exchange and got my NEW silicone boobs. Then 12 days ago I went in for the last step. Nipple reconstruction.

When I originally met with my plastic surgeon, I expressed my indifference towards having nipple reconstruction. I truly didn't care whatsoever if I had nipples or did not have nipples. I was definitely leaning more towards NOT having nipples. I was thinking about all the tank tops and dresses that I could wear with no "nippage". Then a few things happened that changed my mind.

1. I realized that my daughter and I would not look the same if I did not have nipples and she did. I never want her to think that SHE'S the different one. It's hard enough trying to explain what I have gone through to a 4 year old. We always tried to minimize my treatment and surgeries. But Lilly is getting older, and more inquisitive, and more demanding with wanting answers. So in essence, I decided to have nipple reconstruction for my daughter.

2. What sealed the deal was this- after my implants I went to Nordstrom to get my first new bra. The lovely girl assisting me brought a handful of bras, and like any professional bra fitter, they really assist you in the dressing room. I felt OBLIGATED to warn her that I did not have nipples. She wasn't weirded out, and I'm sure I was not the first nipple-less customer, but I didn't want to feel like I had to forewarn anyone for the rest of my life. After my mastectomy, I always told the x-ray tech, or a nurse who I didn't know that I had a mastectomy. I'm not sure why I did, I guess so they were prepared or to make it more comfortable for the both of us. But now I had "normal looking" boobs, but no nipples.

So I told my plastic surgeon that I was on board to have nipple reconstruction. He was GIDDY. Yes- giddy. I made his day. Seriously. You see, my surgeon is so incredibly passionate about his craft that it was almost INSULTING to him that I did not want to "get the whole package". He was very happy that I changed my mind. He told me that we could schedule the surgery whenever I wanted to do it. I decided to enjoy the summer- hang out at the pool and go to the beach, and not worry about surgery or recovery.

You're probably curious about HOW nipples are reconstructed. Well, you know me- I'll tell you. Let me just preface with this. Not all plastic surgeons use the same technique. So I will tell you how MY nipples are reconstructed. Skin is grafted from the "groin fold" - that's a classy name for the skin of your upper inner thigh, waaaaay upper inner thigh. You know where your underwear elastic is- THAT'S your groin fold. So on both "groin folds" skin will be taken and then magically transformed into areola. Then more skin will be taken and magically transformed into nipples. Then then new areola and nipples will be attached to my boobs.

September 14th rolled around and it was MY SURGERY DAY. I was feeling very indifferent about it. It was the final step, and if anything I was more worried about the "what now?" feelings. It had been 25 months since my initial diagnosis. Was I ready to LET GO? I was never the type of person who was obsessive with my cancer. It was there, treated and gone. Well, not that simple, but I didn't let it consume me. BUT- it was a HUGE part of my life. And now this was the last thing to do.

My surgery was scheduled for 11:30am. We had to be at the Outpatient Surgery Center at 10:15am. I checked in and was called back to the "holding area". One of the few upsides to having so many surgeries- you get to know the staff- the nurses, surgeons, anesthesiologists. So it was nice to see the same staff was working today that was there my last visit. I was given a tote bag with my "gear"- gown, booties and cap. I got changed and settled in my little gurney area.

All the nurses and doctors came by to get me prepped. The nurse was unable to get my IV going, so the anesthesiologist was brought in and worked his magic. My surgeon was running late (WOW- BIG surprise there!) and about 12:30pm he came in to talk to me and mark me up. I was pretty adamant that Mike give his input to the nipples/placement. I actually got a set of silicone stick on nipples that I spent 2 hours playing with the night before, attempting to find the right placement. With the aid of my family, I think the best spot was determined so I left them on for my surgeon to see.
He got a little kick out of it. But it was more for me than for him. I wanted to have a *little* control. For so long everything was out of my hands. I just went with the flow and allowed people to poke me, inject me with poison, remove my breasts and ovaries. Everything was done to LIVE. So something as minuscule as nipples- I wanted to try and have some control. My surgeon marked around the silicone areola with his black sharpie, measured me with his handy little tape measure and then- the marking REALLY began.

In addition to my nipple reconstruction, I was getting a fat graft. AKA- Liposuction. You see, I had a major indentation in my right armpit from my lymph node dissection. The original plan was to do lipo when I did my implant exchange in April, but my plastic surgeon did a "game day switch" and said- "hey, let's just put in a bigger implant". So we did, and he released all the skin in the armpit area but it really made no difference. Basically the plan was to take fat from either my hips or stomach and inject it into my armpit. There were no promises that it would work 100% but he felt confidant that it would make some improvement. When he started marking me for lipo,he did me the BIGGEST solid ever- he marked BOTH my hips and stomach. I would just like to point out right now that this was a MEDICAL procedure not a COSMETIC procedure. There was not a lot of fat sucking to be done- just enough to suck out and inject.



After I was all marked up and ready to go, I had a mild freak out. Just about the finality of everything. It had been such a long journey, and for it to be ending.... it's just a lot of emotion to face. My surgeon was very patient and comforting. He stayed with me and Mike and held my hand. When I finally stopped crying I said- ok, I'm ready- let's do this. I gave Mike a big kiss and got wheeled to the OR.

And then I woke up in the recovery room.

Ahh- all the delights of post-anesthesia. Torn up throat, itching from head to toe, can't keep my eyes open, nausea, puking, can't pee. And the crazy thing- they pretty much walk you out the door and send you on your way. I really don't remember anything. I was so completely out of it. The pain and discomfort was in full force. My nurse told me to "keep my legs together so I didn't rip my stitches". I had a girdle on from below my boobs to my hips. I couldn't move! I "slept" the entire ride home, and once we got back home I went straight to bed. Mike came in around 9pm and told me that my surgeon had called and yelled at me to get out of bed. So I did.

I had a chance to evaluate my procedure. My "groin fold" looked like a c-section had occurred, 4" incisions on both sides, sutured up and then covered in steri-strips. My boobs were covered in gauze tape, but there were little "windows" cut out for my nipples. I can't really see anything- it just looks like bloody skin. My stomach and hips are throbbing, bruised and hmmmm....dare I say - flat. My armpit looks- WONDERFUL.

I have been wearing spanx, anti-embolism thigh high circulation stockings, a compression girdle and my bandages 24/7. It would take me 15 minutes to go to the bathroom- just trying to pull the spanx on and off, daintily as possible so I didn't irritate my stomach, hips or groin. And then I find out the worst news- my surgeon is going on VACATION! What- I have to wait 2 weeks to get THIS STUFF OFF! Well, it's not that bad.... I was able to take off the circulation stockings by Thursday. On Friday I took off the compression girdle. I was probably not supposed to but the spanx seemed to be doing a really good job and were much more flexible. Each day got better. I was still uncomfortable from the lipo. That was the most painful. My boobs have no feeling so I was lucky not to have any pain there. My "groin fold" was healing and by the weekend I felt much better. I actually drove on Sunday.

Now it's about 12 days post surgery. I'm still bruised but it's finally fading. My "groin fold" steri-strips have peeled off. My boob bandages are FUNKY. The top layer has lost all adhesive tackiness and are starting to fall off. I tried to put a layer of medical tape across the top today but it's so gross that the tape isn't even sticking very well to the gauze bandages. The bottom layer has permanently bonded with my skin and I'm terrified to have it peeled off. Mike told me that I smell. Yea- no kidding. I wash my hair leaning over the bathtub and wipe off my arms with a washcloth. I can use the sprayer on my legs, but I couldn't get my incision site wet until just a few days ago. It ROYALLY sucks.

I still have 2 more days to go until I see my surgeon for the follow up. I'm curious to see how my new nipples look. I'm sure I'll have another "freak out" but I need to remember that I'm still healing and I need to just give it time.

I'm Beginning to "C" the Light....

Friday morning was like my own personal Christmas in April. It was the day I had been waiting 17 months for. It was my BOOB DAY. Forget about the months I spent with a concave chest, forget about the chemo, forget about the excruciating tissue expanders. The day of my breast reconstruction day was finally here!

I was lucky enough to see my Plastic Surgeon (PS) the day before my surgery. Long story short..my dad had a last minute procedure to remove a squamous cell carcinoma from his cheek. My dad lives in Florida and was flying up here to help me out, so I got him a follow up appointment with my PS. So it was nice to see my Doctor the day before and be reassured that we're all ready to do this. I asked him to please get a good nights rest and not do anything crazy....

Friday morning- I get up bright and early (ok- it's not so bright outside at 4:30am). I enjoy an nice LOOONG shower (because I know it's going to be a few days before I can enjoy a shower again). Mike gets up and we get ready to leave at 5:30am. I feel excitement...I feel - relief. I feel like I'm "graduating". This is my first procedure at the Outpatient Surgery Center so I'm not sure exactly what to expect, but I've been through enough surgeries to have a general idea of what's going to happen. I basically get checked in, changed and prepped. My PS comes in and marks me up with a black sharpie. We talk about a few last minute things. He marks off where the other surgeon (Dr. Bob) is going to do his procedure (the Mediport removal). Come to think of it- I didn't even see Dr. Bob before my surgery. And, of course, the nurse can not get an IV going, so the Anesthesiologist actually hooks me up and wheels me to the OR. On the way, the IV pole is too tall for one of the doorways and - clunk- the IV bag goes flying off and onto the floor. I grabbed the IV tube hoping it doesn't rip out of my hand. Yeesh. We get into the OR and I move onto the operating table and I feel my arms being strapped down...and then - I wake up in recovery.

Recovery must be like what it feels like to die, but you "come to" as opposed to "fade away". First you hear muffled sounds of someone calling your name. Over and over. Then you can usually open one eye and you just see light and a blur. Then you feel people around you, moving, talking, checking on you. Eventually you come to and it takes you a minute to realize where you are. You're constantly asked- Are you in pain, are you hot, are you in pain, are you cold, are you in pain, are you thirsty, are you in pain? I remember NOT being in pain, but being really cold- so cold that they had to put the heater blanket on me. My mouth/throat was raw and my lip had been I guess caught between my tooth and the intubation tube, so it was swollen and numb. I had no concept of what time it was. My surgery started at 7am and was scheduled for 2 1/2 hours. What I did know- is that I had to pee.

My nurses were great- we were all chatting about something, but I have no idea what about. I swear- they must hear some Ca-Ra-zay stuff. I usually try to explain The Diaper Bag Wrangler to them, which I'm sure never comes out the way it's intended. I asked to get out of bed to use the bathroom and I was so proud of myself that I could walk unassisted (yep- it's the little things). My nurse brought me some ice, apple juice and crackers to make sure I could keep food down before they discharged me. I was feeling so good. I really couldn't believe it. I didn't even take pain meds at the surgery center! Dr. Bob decided to make an appearance and told me to come see him in 3 months. Nice.

I think it was around 11am and I was ready to go home. I WALKED to the car (NO wheelchair!!) and we drove home! Lilly wasn't even done pre-school yet! I started examining my bandages. I had gauze taped to my skin- like a shield of gauze. Then I had a surgical bra and a bandage wrapped around me on top of that. Plus two surgical drains (right and left side). My boobs didn't hurt at all. What DID hurt- was the site of my Mediport removal. It hurt pretty bad, so I busted out the ice pack, Percocet and took a nap.

Over the weekend, mother nature decided to unleash her fiery fury- and the temperatures rose to the high 80's- low 90's. Hot + bandaged boobies + menopausal night sweats DO NOT MIX. I think the adhesive from the tape was melting off and bonding with my skin. I was getting SO itchy from the tape, sweat and heat. Luckily I only had to wait 3 days to get my drains and bandages off. While I was counting down the hours/minutes/seconds until my post-op appointment I loafed around the house and ate Rita's Water Ice. I even went with Mike on Sunday night to stockpile- got a quart of Lemon and a quart of Florida Orange.

And then something strange happened. Around 8:30pm on Sunday night, the phone rings. It comes up "wireless caller" and Mike answers the phone. The caller asks for "Karyn" (that's my "real name" but no one calls me Karyn unless they work for the DMV, Government or Insurance Company). Mike hands me the phone and I say "hello....who's this????" And - it's my Plastic Surgeon! He's calling to check up on me....but he sounds entirely distracted...like he's hiding in the bathroom making secret phone calls to his patients.

Coming up next- the unveiling!

Boobies for sale!

I totally forgot to mention that I'm selling my boobs on e-bay! Check it out HERE.

I had bidders and watchers instantly, and totally expect a full on bidding war to start in about 24 hours.

The Knittie Titties Are Here!

I can not believe I am putting these pictures up!!!

But I am- mostly because I think there is no shame in having a double mastectomy, breast cancer or a bald head. It's all part of the package I was dealt. If I can laugh, you can laugh too.

So to share in the "lighter side" of the whole breast cancer thing, my super knitter friend Renee came across these knitted prosthetic boobs and offered to make some for me to try out. They came yesterday and I was just giddy with excitement!!!

**Here's the original POST about the knittie titties with a link for info to make your own.

Here they are- made with Psychedelic and Obama Mama yarn!


Unfortunately for you to get the whole concept, this is the best way to explain. I think it is well worth getting over my modesty to share this whole experience and hopefully inspire others. Plus it's pretty funny.


Basically the knittie titties are designed to fit in "regular" non-mastectomy bras. I asked Renee for an "A" and an "B"... Well- what you see is her version of an "A" which measures a REALLY full "B" on me! I had to get out my bras from when I was pregnant! I tried on the "Renee version of a B" and they were huge! Mike and I had a good laugh.

I (and I mean we) think they look really good! I LOOOOVE them!!! Thank you, thank you!



I also got an awesome cowl scarf from Renee which I immediately put on yesterday and I am wearing again today:

Too Funny! Tit Bits (or Knittie Titties)

My friend Renee (who's a knitting fanatic) sent me this link from a breast cancer survivor who made her own knitted prosthetic boobs. I love it!!! They are called Tit Bits, but I prefer Knittie Titties.



Hopefully I will have my own pair (courtesy of Renee) in a few weeks....I'll let you know if they're better than the crazy silicone ones I currently have (still in the box).

Here's the link if you want to knit a tit... or read about her design process, it's really funny!

http://www.knitty.com/ISSUEfall05/PATTbits.html

or visit her website at http://www.titbits.ca/

The girls are back!

My new "boobs" are here! (And I KNOW how excited you all are to read about this.) Bosom Buddies called me to say that my boobs came in and I could pick them up at anytime. (well, they were a lot more professional on the phone, but that's the gist!) Since I have one crazy sense of humor, I have been waiting with baited breath to post about this!

We all piled in the car on Saturday and stopped by the boutique before we went to Costco. I had paid for everything in advance, so I only had to pick up my order and pay another $60 in insurance co-pays. My insurance covers a large amount of the cost associated with breast prosthetics (thank you - Women’s Health and Cancer Rights Act of 1998). They give an allowance towards 1 set of prosthetic forms (that's 2 individual boobs) every 2 years, plus 4 bras and 2 camisoles per year. The boobs are about $550/pair, the camis $68 EACH and the bras range from $30 and up. Geez, this cancer stuff is getting expensive!

Mastectomy undergarments are just like normal ones, but they have little pockets sewn in for the prosthetics. The bras are a little more "heavy duty" since they have to offer support that your body might normally give. At the same time a lot of styles offer flexibility to be worn without the prosthetic form. I guess it's all a matter of preference. I'm still rocking my "training bra" for the boobless days. There are some pretty mastectomy bras, but my mediport interfered with the straps on most, so when I decide to rock the boobs, I get to wear this smokin' hot- white cotton - snap front - medical bra:

Anyway, when I went to try on my new boobs, Gina, the owner asked what size I wanted, C...D??? Ha- Funny! I decided that I wanted to stay my "normal" (A) size since they are not the most comfortable, breathable things in the world. Plus with chemo and all that stuff, I wanted one thing to easy. They didn't have the exact size I wanted in stock, so we used the next size up (B) as a gauge. It's an ordeal trying to put on the bra with the silicone forms! Holy cow! Plus they slide around a little bit, so you have to adjust them and stuff. I felt like I was wearing on of those sympathy pregnancy bellies, but without the belly....or a drag queen....not sure which.


The forms are made from a flowable silicone gel and have some fancy gel backer that supposed to help keep you cool (that is NOT true, they are HOT no matter what!). Each one comes in a cradle/ travel case that you have to store them in so they don't get all mushed up.

Anyway, I'm glad they're here...I'm not sure how much I'll actually wear them. I figured my treatment is going to take so long, reconstruction is so far in the future...dresses are made for boobs....why not. So here's the (not so drastic) before and after... I know...I know... which is which..



I will say this- in my INDIVIDUAL opinion- having smaller breasts (or "boobies" as Dr Bob referred to them at my last appointment) is an advantage when it comes to undergoing a mastectomy. I think since there was not a whole lot there to begin with, it's less to miss, and easier to get used to. Strange...

Wait- put the bandages back on!

Today was the big "unveiling" from my mastectomy. I did not look, nor did I want to look, nor do I EVER want to look. Well, I did take a peek at home after my afternoon nap. Not such a great idea. (I will NOT be posting pictures, so no worries!)

My mom went with me to see Dr. B and get my bandages and drains removed today. First they de-mummified me and I was excited for some relief. I soon realized that my skin was T-I-G-H-T and it wasn't the sweet relief I was hoping for. Then the drains came out. My friend Robyn ( a nurse) said they would not hurt coming out but oh- did it hurt! Then Dr. B said there might be blood that squirts out of the holes in my skin for a few days. Ugh! Like I haven't been through enough. I hope he's kidding- he has the same demented sense of humor as I do.

So everything looks good (so I hear, I'm still not peeking) no swelling, bruising, etc. I'll get my staples aka "railroad tracks" removed on Monday. I ask how much that will hurt and he promised that it wouldn't hurt and if it did I could punch him. (no joke) I told him it would hurt too much for me to put forth the effort to hit him. I'll let you know how it all goes down next week... I'm thinking pay-per-view...K.C. vs. Dr. Bob in a post-mastectomy staple removal throw down....

Dr. B then decided to yell at me because I sleep all day. I HURT- what am I supposed to do? My shoulder/armpit/arm is still numb and he wants me to get mobile so it doesn't freeze up. So Lorraine (my mom) lectures me for oh- an hour or so about exercises and how my dad had to get PT for his shoulder because his froze up- I GET IT!

Once I'm home- I take my 1pm- 5pm nap. Screw Dr. B...I'm tired, in pain and the percocet makes me sleepy! I need the rest- I had my boobs amputated! When I wake up I decide to take a peek. Whadayaknow- Halloween came early- I look like Frankenstein. The left side (simple mastectomy) isn't so bad. The right side (modified radical mastectomy) is pretty shocking. Mike says it's not as bad as I think...but I'd be much happier covered up in those bandages!

Still no official pathology yet...apparently some autopsy took precedence over my boobs. So much for my "golden ticket". Dr. B yells at the lab to get cracka-lackin on my biopsy. (my words, not his). So Monday I'll get the scoop on the extent of my cancer... fun...more waiting!

Mini Shopping Spree

There's a whole other world of lingerie and accessories out there for mastectomy care. Paoli Hospital referred me to a little boutique called Bosom Buddies. They are located at 36 Chestnut Road, Paoli, PA 19301 and specialize in bridal, boutique and breast care lingerie. I stopped by last week before my surgery to get a few things to tide me though the initial recovery stage. They suggested a compression camisole which has pockets for the "chicken cutlets" and little pouches for the drains.

I also browsed through their "chicken cutlets" (aka cc) which come in many different options. They have foam, concave foam (for those who have some muscle definition), foam with gel and gel. I opted for a pair of foam. They are lightweight and washable and slip into the little pockets all the mastectomy bras have. Mastectomy bras look like nursing bras but without the flap. I'll go back in a few weeks to get fitted and get some new gear. They also sell stick on silicone nipples (in 3 colors/2 sizes). My sister in law says they are for those who are "lights-on". Ahhh the mind of a newlywed.... Anyway my insurance covers most mastectomy care like 4 bras a year, prosthesis (cc), and post surgical garments. I owed a whopping $6.

My friend Caitlin sent me a little care package for my recovery with a flaxseed and lavender hot/cold wrap from Home Grown Pillows . This was SOOO much better than the ice packs the hospital sent me home with so I decided to order another wrap. All you do is stick it in the freezer in a ziplock and in about 2 hours you have a nice soothing cold pack. This fits perfect across my chest and the lavender helps me sleep (also with the help of percocet!).

I also started shopping for my chemo treatment care and came across this funky shop on Etsy called The Hat Cottage. I picked up a chemo/scrub hat in their Soothing Seafoam pattern. Her quality is top notch and you will be seeing me rockin' her hats during chemo!

The last item I picked up is a wool felt breast cancer awareness pin from Happy House Quilts. She is also going through treatment for breast cancer so I am happy to support her and her Etsy shop.

Drains, Gauze and Bandages

The past few days have pretty much been a blur. I'm down to 2 percocet a day, but the pain and discomfort are still pretty bad. I think the worst thing is my right shoulder/underarm/tricep is numb. It feels like there is a roll of toilet paper shoved under my arm. Every once in a while there's shooting pain, but the numbness is driving me crazy. I also have a lot of lower back pain from the strain of sleeping slightly elevated.

I called Dr. B on Monday because I didn't remember being numb before and it started bothering me late Sunday. He said it could be from the bandage being tight so we could try to loosen it. We did that and I got about 2% relief. The problem isn't so much the bandage but the 2" deep packs of gauze underneath which make me feel like I have a gauze & bandage shield of armor on.

The other thing he sad was the numbness may be permanent. Huh??? Apparently the cancerous lymph node was very close to my nerve. So only time will tell if the nerve was damaged from surgery. I don't remember numbness coming up in conversations of possible side effects from surgery. I think it's just from the bandages but I guess only time will tell.

My drains (aka - grenades, canteens or testicles) are still annoying but there's not so much in them any more. Here's what they look like:

I am going to see Dr. B tomorrow to get the drains and bandages removed. I CAN NOT WAIT to get this stuff off of me. When I was in the hospital he told me to give a call on Thursday morning to come in for an appointment, but even in my morphine induced, post-operative state I was smart enough to quip back- "how about I call on Wednesday and see you first thing on Thursday. "

I love you percocet

I came home today, everything went as expected and I'm doing really well. In the hospital I was on morphine IV, but now at home I get percocet which makes me (a little loopy) sleepy, dizzy and pain free. Here's a quick (drug induced) recap :

Friday at 10am we checked into the hospital. My surgery was scheduled for 1pm and there was a little mis-communication about an injection that they were planning on giving me to aid with my lymph nodes which I ended up not needing. So I had to wait a little longer than I should have needed to, but I was doing well. I had 5 IV pokes, it obviously wasn't my nurses best day. 2 in the hand that were misses, then the IV team came and got one in my wrist and then they got one in my arm for bloodwork. Later on I asked to get a new IV in the OR, so they put one in my forearm.

My surgeon held my hand as I went under and a few hours later I woke up in recovery feeling pretty good. No pain, nausea or anything like that. Other patients in recovery were having a rough time so I was stuck there waiting for it to calm down so the nurses could move me to my room. I was on the "rough" end before so I was happy to wait especially since I was feeling so good. Around 5:30pm it calmed down and I moved to my private room. I saw Mike, my mom and dad in the waiting room and I waved to them as I was wheeled by. I think they were surprised to see how well I was doing. I peed right away (and that's a really big deal!) and got some clear foods and kept that down, so things were looking good.

I fell asleep pretty early and was up off and on all night w/ the nurses checking my vitals and going to the bathroom. I woke up about 6am Saturday morning and hung out before breakfast. Dr. Bob came by and said that I could go come today, but I said no thanks...I'll go home Sunday. I had lots of visitors on Saturday and I was pretty out of it, but it's nice just to have company.

I slept off and on most of the day and around 2am I got a double dose of percocet which allowed me to sleep from 2am until almost 8am. Today (Sunday) I was ready to come home. Mike came about 9am and I was discharged. Lilly was very happy to see me but even more happy that I had balloons. I spent most of today in bed and came downstairs for dinner.

Mike's helping me with my drains. I think they are gross but I only have to deal with them for a few more days. I feel like a mummy- I am bandaged up so tight I have armpit cleavage. I don't know what to expect once the bandages come off but I'll just have to deal with that once it happens.

On a side note, my brother's best friend (and best man at his wedding) Dave lost his mother to breast cancer a few years ago. This past Friday was her birthday so we all felt that she was looking over me as I went through the surgery. So thank you Mrs. M.

To boob, or not to boob

Last Friday, Mike and I met with my Oncologist- Dr. H. The general rule is- anyone under 35 gets chemo. So I will be getting chemo. What kind and for how long is all riding on final pathology from my surgery. So yes- my hair will fall out, yes - I will be exhausted and yes- they are going to be very aggressive with the dosage. There are some other factors too that we are still waiting to hear about. In malignant tumors there can be receptors, and if my cancer has one of two (or both) receptors there will be another 1 - 5 years of therapy, but we didn't talk specifics since I may or may not have to deal with it.

On Monday, Mike and I went back for our surgical consult with Dr. Bob. Basically, I have 2 choices for surgery:

1. Lumpectomy (removal of the cancerous tissue and lymph nodes) - in order to do this type of surgery I would have 2 additional core biopsies (with the "turkey carving knife probe"), then have genetic testing to see if I am one of the 10% who carry the genetic mutation for breast/ovarian cancer, if it's negative, then they would remove the tissue and leave what they can. I'm not working with a whole lot of boob in the first place, so I would be lumpy on once side and basically deformed on the other side. Then up to 6 months of Chemo, and 30 days (every day) of Radiation and then every 6 months for the rest of my life - a MRI. And the cancer could come back.

2. Bi-Lateral (Double) Mastectomy (removal of the breast) - no additional biopsies, surgery to remove the breast tissue which would leave about a 3-4 inch scar on both sides, and removal of the lymph nodes on the right side. Up to 6 months of Chemo, possibly no radiation, breast reconstruction surgery (saline implants) after remission and a 1% chance that the cancer would come back.

On Tuesday morning I called Dr. Bob and scheduled the Double Mastectomy. (Hey- I'm no gambler). We are having the surgery done on Friday (in 2 days!). It was more of a decision of what I did not want, than what I did want. I did not want to have to deal with the fear of the cancer returning every 6 months. I know how anxious and obsessive I am now, so there was NO WAY I was going to deal with that anxiety forever. I felt that maybe if I were significantly older it might be different, but I'm 30 and if I live another 50 years...that's 100 MRIs I'd have to go though, plus who knows what else.

Later in the day my Ob/Gyn Dr. P called and said something that really helped..."you don't need your breasts". I admire her so much and she is incredibly realistic. Her words and support lifted that nauseous/sick feeling I'd had for the past 24 hours and I became "K.C." again. I also spoke with Nurse Practitioner A. from my Ob/Gyn office and she was 100% on board with my decision as well. I love her- she just gets it.

So, that's the decision...I'm a little scared, but I know it's the best choice for me and my family. This will probably he a harder emotional recovery than physical, but it's a part of the process to become cancer free. I'll be getting some nice new boobs courtesy of Aetna in a few months...but in the meantime it's "chicken cutlets".