Adios hair-fro.

Yes- I realize that I just got a hair cut 2 weeks ago. But while on vacation I realized that my hair-fro is so incredibly out of control that I really don't want to deal with it right now. Unfortunately when I decided this (at - oh - 8pm on a Saturday) my salon wasn't going to be open until Tuesday, so I had to wait! I didn't trust going somewhere else for an "emergency" cut, and I wasn't ready to get out the electric clippers and pull a Britney (again). Shaving my head bald once in a lifetime is enough- thank you. So when the salon finally opened on Tuesday I called and got an appointment for the next day.

So here's the "hair-fro before" pics (from Bermuda last week) and the "pixie cut after" pics (from today).



I know people are thinking- why did you chop off your hair - you were SO CLOSE! But here's the thing- I HATED it.

I LOVED what it used to be, and it's not the same. My hair fell out over a year ago. I shaved my head, walked around bald, wore a wig, wore caps, the whole 9 yards. It started growing back in the very beginning of this year, and it took it's sweet time doing so. The whole time my hair was just growing in I hated it. I hated it because I had absolutely no control over it. I couldn't do anything with it besides rub in some pomade and put on a headband. As it grew long(er), it got bigger, and puffier, and curlier. I was all of a sudden faced with this mop of hair that was taking control! I absolutely had to blow dry and flat iron it every day. If I let it air dry I looked like Richard Simmons....NOT a good look!


So last week when I realized that I had a CHOICE to go back to the pixie cut, it seemed perfect. Especially since I have this rockin' wig that's just sitting on a styrofoam headform on my dresser. Kim from the Real Housewives of Atlanta wears a wig, why can't I! (I think Kim should get some of my headbands to wear with her wigs too!!!)

I thought I could get the best of both worlds- a no hassle super short 'do, and a "perfect every day" long hair wig look! So watch out now- you never know what look I'll be sporting from day to day....hey, this might actually work...no more strangers approaching me at Bed Bath and Beyond asking me if I'm The Diaper Bag Wrangler!!!!

8 months post chemo...

Wow- one year ago I had my port surgery and was getting ready for my first dose of A/C. Things now are pretty much back to normal, Lilly is back in school, plus she's taking ballet and swimming lessons. Mike is gearing up for the e-commerce holiday season. I am doing the same ol', same ol'. Anyway- just wanted to give a little update.

I still go every 3 weeks for my Herceptin IV treatment. The side effects are very minimal, mostly runny nose, headaches, but I get a little fatigue now and then. It' probably not just from the Herceptin...I do tend to push myself to the limit from time to time. I also take Tamoxifen which has some annoying side effects. Since the Tamoxifen targets the hormone part of my cancer it puts me in a peri-menopausal state. Nothing better than being 31 and having mood swings and hot flashes....constantly. I plan on having an Ooforectomy within the next year so my Tamoxifen therapy will have to change after the surgery.

If you see me, please do me a favor...PLEASE do not ask me if my hair was curly before chemo. Yes- it was a little wavy, but not curly. Now- my hair is a full on Kramer 'fro. It has a mind and will of it's own. There is NOTHING I can do to control it, well, besides wear a headband everyday, that seems to help the best. It is thick and puffy and I really detest it. I have tried pomade, gels, anti-frizz stuff...nothing keeps it from towering to a full on afro by the end of the day. Now I am using a mini flat iron and TRYING to get it at least smooth. Some people actually like my 'do. Well, here's the thing. Sure-maybe it might look cute (to some people), but this is not my hairstyle by choice. Therefore- I resent it and just want my pretty, soft, mostly-straight, long(er) hair back. Plus I have the mother of all chicken wings on my left side. Not so much on the right side- but the left side- I might take flight if there's a strong breeze.

Today I'm actually having a "somewhat of a good hair day"... the humidity is down, my headband looks good...so I thought I'd take some pics.

Time for another haircut!

So here I am about 6 months post chemo. I actually used a mini travel sized straight iron on my hair today!!! I will do anything to keep it from turning into a fluffy, mophead mess. Lilly and I are headed to the salon today for our pre-vacation haircuts. I think my hair is finally long enough this time to get a shampoo instead of a squirt bottle wet-down.


Before:

Hair update - 5 months post chemo

My last chemo treatment was Jan 5, 2009. It's been almost 5 months and things are definitely getting better. My hair started growing back before my last chemo and it kinda grew/fell out for a few weeks and finally started actually "growing" in February. So here I am, 5 months later, trying to figure out what in the world to do with my hair. I hate short hair. I hate it even more when it's short not by choice. Well, it could be worse- I guess.

I got my first "haircut" in April- for my 31st birthday. It was merely an even-it-out, 5 minute trim. I wasn't even charged for it.

The time had come for another haircut. Although there's not much to cut, I hated the bushy, un-even, pseudo-mullet that was beginning to take form. The one thing I am learning about super short hair is that you have to maintain it like crazy.

Here I am before my 2nd haircut, May 27:



Post cut: Pomade-city. Slicked, super texture-y haircut and style. It was promptly washed out 2 times. I'm just not a fan of the "wet look".



Post hair- washing. No crazy pomade, just a funky headband.

Hair growth update

It's been a little over 2 months since my last chemo treatment. I'm not crazy about my "new 'do" but at least it's growing! There's a TON of grey, but I think some of that is turning brown...I'm not sure what's going on with it. It's still to short to do anything with, although I have some texture pomade waiting in the wings for when it's a little bit longer. I think I'll need a haircut next week, it's looking kinda mullet-ish in the back. So far it's not "curly"... god how I hate people telling me about "the chemo curl".

I've been wearing ballcaps since the weather has been a little warmer. I realized today that I no longer have a University of Kansas hat. I thought about wearing Mike's but it was slimy with 10 year old aged sweat, so I threw it back in the pile. I have about 6 St. Louis Cardinals hats, but I'm pretty loyal to my baby blue Phillies cap these days. I'm planning on stopping by Lids and picking up something new.

I never want to hear about "curly hair" again!

Some people just don't know what to say to a 30 year old mom with breast cancer. However EVERYONE feels the need to tell me about their aunt, mom, cousin, sister, friend, grandma, or friend's aunt's cousin and how their hair grew back curly after losing it from chemo.

Yeah- I GET IT - chemo F*'s up your hair and it's never the same! I GET IT!!!! I had fluffy/wavy hair for my whole life, and until I understood the powers of a straightening iron I suffered through years of awful school and family pictures. So that last thing I want to hear (over and over and over) is how your hair comes back curly after chemo. Not on my watch! I'd rather wear my wig for the rest of my life.

So here's what my hair is looking like these days...it's short and fuzzy- like a "baby chick" (I hear that one a lot too).

the fuzzy head

Lilly: No I like your fuzzy head!
Me: You don't like my hair? Should I cut it?
Lilly: (grabs a picture off the dresser of me with long hair) No like dis!
Me: Should my hair be long again?
Lilly: Yes.
(end of conversation)

Well, I'm trying!

It's been about 7 weeks since the first follicular growth was spotted. A lot of hair fell out again, but I'm finally past that! My eyebrows and eyelashes are growing in pretty fast. I think in a few weeks I'll actually need shampoo again!



I'm starting to feel more like myself. Less puffy, less irritable, less tired. I still fall asleep on the sofa some nights but I am definitely accomplishing more during the days. I've been cooking dinner regularly which is something I haven't done since August!

We are starting to catch up on our home decorating projects that were put off last year. The previous owner of our house had AWFUL decorating taste. Lots of country-inspired wallpaper, bad paint and questionable window treatments. Luckily we could see past the decor when we looked at this house, which I think most people could not. Yesterday Mike ripped down all the wallpaper in our foyer and staircase. Thank goodness- it was an awful cream, burgundy and navy "country clutter" pattern. Here's a "before" picture (like before we bought the house when we first looked at it):



We bought paint last night and the chair-rail, doors, trim and banister will be a khaki/taupe color. Under the chair-rail will be chocolate brown and above the chair-rail and in the hallways will be an oatmeal/ivory color. Very chic and neutral. I can't wait...even Lilly is excited to paint!

Now all I have to do is convince Mike to rip down the "ivy garden" wallpaper in our powder room. Ugh.

New hair growth pics

I feel like I'm channeling Caitlin... except she's taking pics every week of her gorgeous growing belly and I'm taking pics of my fuzzy head. I'm on week 5 of hair growth...she's on week 29 of pregnancy...

So here's this weeks pics:






I'm starting to feel (and look) less puffy and more like myself. I lost about 2 pounds this week...only 13 more to go! My "original" eyelashes are completely gone. I lost the last 2 stragglers yesterday. I have some tiny stubbly eyelashes coming in and they are super itchy. My eyebrows are growing in and are itchy too. Basically all the new hair growing back is itchy....or the skin is itchy...whatever.

I'm still losing some of the fuzzy head hairs. I'm really getting sick of lint rolling my pillows every day, but what can ya do? It seems to be diminishing, so I'm glad I decided not to shave my head again and just ride it out. It's definitely growing more than it is falling out, so I'm taking that as a good sign.

Tomorrow I'm hoping to FINALLY join the gym. The registration desk is only open from 1-7pm, and unfortunately I can't get there at those times during the week. So tomorrow is the day! I can't WAIT!!! (ummm...I NEVER thought I'd say those words).

Too good to be true

I was prepared for this to happen but I was secretly hoping it wouldn't. My hair is falling out...again! Like losing it once isn't bad enough!

It's been growing for almost 1 month, and yesterday morning I noticed that my pillow was covered in tiny 1/4" hairs. So to see if it was a fluke I did some scientific research- last night I flipped my pillow over. Hi-tech, right. This morning once again it was covered in tiny hairs. No!!! I'll either have to shave my head bald again, or sleep with the sleep caps again to contain the hairs so they don't get embedded in my pillows. I was rubbing my head today (it's itchy) and my hand was covered in hairs. Time to get out the lint brush again! Haha.

My "original" eyebrows are all gone. They started growing back on the inside, kinda toward my nose. Not so much on the outside. I have 3 "original" eyelashes left. They are growing back too and are really itchy and my eyes are always watering. Hey- kinda like when they fell out!

So here's a timeline of hair loss, hair growth, and I guess hair loss again!


10/7/08 (before) :


10/7/08 (after) :


10/11/08 :


10/13/08 :


10/15/08 :


12/28/08 :


1/3/09 :


1/12/09 :


1/21/09 :

Hair Growth Update (updated)

It's still growing!!! My eyelashes/eyebrows continue to fall out and grow at the same time. Last chemo is Monday (1/5) so I'm anxious to see if it effects the growth...

1/12/09:



1/2/09:


12/28/08:

Hair??? HAIR!!!

It's true- my hair is growing back!!! It's still falling out, but at the same time it's growing! How is this possible? My eyebrows are almost gone, but today I saw teeny tiny hairs growing in too! You have to look really close, but you can see the fine white "peach fuzz" growing in, plus the few hairs that never fell out in the first place. :)



I still have my final chemo treatment of Taxol (on 1/5/09) so I'm curious to ask my Oncologist if it is common for hair to grow back during chemo. I have been the opposite of typical this entire time, so I will not be surprised to if he told me that only 1% of patients experience this.

Cut it, cut it!!!

Mike put our little videos together from the head shaving event. Lilly is by far the star of the movies. And seeing this makes me realize that I really, REALLY need to hang new blinds and curtains in our bedroom...It's been almost 1 1/2 years in the new house!

Scissors...


...Clippers...


...Final Product!

To pin or not to pin

Today was the first day I wore my wig! I was feeling a little dumpy last night, the whole androgynous thing is starting to get to me. So I decided to try out the wig and see if it was worth the $600 I paid for it. And let me tell you...it's worth every penny!



I kept hearing how wigs are hot, itchy, fake looking...etc. My wig is none of those. I guess you get what you pay for. I have had it on all day, and even with my chemo hot flashes it's been more comfortable than wearing my chemo-chic caps. It's adjustable so I had to tighten the elastic from when I last wore it (with hair) and it's stayed in place all day. I have to smooth out the wig hair a little more during the course of the day than with normal hair, and I made Mike promise me that whenever we go somewhere he'll make sure it's not all jakked up when we get out of the car.

I did have a major decision to make regarding my wig - bobby pin or no bobby pin. If you know me well, you know I have a signature look- a bobby pin on the right side. I wear one probably 95% of the time (you know, when I have hair). I knew that with the mono-filament hair wig if I put the bobby pin in, that was it... the hair would crimp. I tried it with and without for like an hour (Mike thought I had taken a nap!) and decided- BOBBY PIN- I don't care if I crimp the wig...I'm rocking the bobby pin! Laugh all you want, but it was a big decision to make.



So there's chemo tomorrow....those wack-o conservative cancer patients better behave themselves this week... it's not looking so good for McCain...and I am still fired up from 2 weeks ago!

Rockin' the headwear

I know, I know...you want to see what these hats look like that I've been sewing up over the past week! Here's a little photo gallery of what I'm wearing on my head these days...

So first- here's me with OFFICIALLY no hair. I shaved it bald this morning with my "ladies" electric razor and it was such a relief! It basically acted as a vacuum for what was left, there wasn't much actual shaving needed. Last night I sat on the sofa and was just pulling off the "hurricane" hairs that were left on top of my head. I just wanted it all gone!



The traditional bandanna- I bought a 6 pack, plus 2 floral ones at AC Moore. Awesome because they don't cover my big ears. Lousy because I look like a roadie at a Bon Jovi concert. At least they come in pretty colors like turquoise! *Big score today- I went to 5 Below and got 5 new bandannas for $1 each... and they are so cool... very mod designs... no western roadie paisleys!



My Chemo-Chic Cap. I sewed these and about 10 other ones (so far), all out of awesome designer fabric and made to match my wardrobe. It's inspired by a scrub hat I found from a fellow crafter (I can't take the credit). I made adjustments for my fit, drew out a pattern and hi-tailed it to the fabric store (and yes, I have used some of my DBW fabric stash, so now you can have a chemo cap and matching changing pad or diaper and wipes organizer). It ties in a little bow in the back.



Sleep Caps- AWESOME little knit caps, just like what newborn babies wear. They are like a t-shirt for your head. I bought these from a breast cancer survivor Diane and you can see her shop HERE or visit www.positiveattitude.etsy.com . I highly recommend these and if you know someone going through chemo buy them one...they will love it!

The Strip

So I have this bizarre STRIP of hair that must not have gotten the memo.



A mini-mohawk??? I don't know what's going on.

It's a big mess right now. It's kinda bald (to the skin) in most places but there's still some little patches too. I'm not quite sure what to do about it! It just keeps coming out in my sleep caps and in the shower. Lilly actually touched my head yesterday and said it "tickled", and then today at Target she was announcing "Mommy's hair falls out". It's so cute.



It's been an interesting few days with my baldie look. I stick out, and I know it, but I totally don't care. I get the stares and/or the people who look away, and those who run from me like I have the Plague. I also encounter the uber-helpful which is kinda nice. But I did have a great experience at KOP Mall- another mom randomly came up to me in a store and asked if I was going though chemo. It was like a secret posse I didn't know existed!